FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
