he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
