I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
