4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
