Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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