its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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