this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
