Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
