i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize