I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
