Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
