problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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