u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
