Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
