Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
