I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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