I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
