C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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