my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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