It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
