I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
