the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
