theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
