I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize