got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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