She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Even my vagina gasped.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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