I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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