I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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