Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
