I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
