Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
