I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
