i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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