What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
"it" just moved
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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