In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
