This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my phone needs a breathalizer
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
