You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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