College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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