something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
