All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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