I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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