Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
