Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
