you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
