Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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