Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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