In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
