He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize