Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
