so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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