he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
God, I missed his penis.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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