Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
