Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
