he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
