i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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