Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
