Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
