Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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