i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
