I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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