I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How naked do you want me to be?
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