either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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