i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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