I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
