I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
