And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The Olympian is in my bed
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