we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
