Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
