remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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