I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
