How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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