Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
