this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
