I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
