As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
