Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I can't turn off my feet"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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