He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
