my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
