i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
