I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize