apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
